4 out of 5 morons agree.

OH NOES! THE GOLDEN COMPASS IS "TOO PLOT-HEAVY AND COMPLICATED"!!?!?!?!?!!

I guess not EVERY movie can be dumbed down for morons.



Ps.

that's entertainment!

I just heard this story on the radio about this band - whose name I won't bother mentioning because they suck hard - who, before they were signed, went to a stop on the Vans Warped Tour and set up a generator outside of the venue where the lineup was, and just started played their songs. Apparently a record company exec heard them and things snowballed from there.

Man, that's pretty cool, I have to say. If you're determined enough to go somewhere with your music, pulling gutsy moves like that is fucking awesome and more bands should do shit like this.
Hey, if you love your band enough and think you deserve to get a record deal, and if you love music enough, then why be bashful? Go all the way, pull out all the stops. Don't just be a pussy and play in shitty clubs on the weekends with all the same people watching you and expect something to happen for you. Make moves. Be grand. Don't be a wimp - create your own hype.

i just invented a drink:

It's called a Blue Berry Speedbanger!


1 1/2 shots of Smirnoff Raspberry vodka
1 shot blue curacao
Jolt Blue
crushed ice
garnish with a lemon



DELICIOUS.

thursday night insanity.

It's not even officially winter yet, and already I'm sick of coming home from work and it being dark out. Coming home to a dark, empty apartment every night is very depressing. And it makes me tired.
All day I have energy and vow that I'm going to clean on any given night, and then the second I get in the door, all that just goes away.
Maybe I need some more lights in here.

Hello, Seasonal Affective Disorder!!!

I think I'm going to pick up some St. John's Wort so that I can make it through this winter without killing myself.

Ha... ha?

What's up with me and the pills lately? I'm always gobbling ibuprofen but it's weird because all my life I have been totally against medication and all that jazz, except for the periods where a) I was on birth control pills, and b) I tried Wellbutrin for a year. And now I'm like "what's up doc, can we rock!? Gimme some migraine horse pills!" and I'm going to go back on BC pills next week, and now I'm gonna go mess around with St. John's Wort...?

Guess I'm lookin' for a quick fix quick fix quick fix chick tricks? nip slip:

I have to say, though... life seems a lot sunnier when I look at this:

how to kill a sunday afternoon.

Last night I was going to go to the big punk night at the Embassy with the Vapids and whatnot, but I was feeling terrible from the curry dinner I ate the day before, so I decided against going anywhere without a toilet I could comfortably sit on without worrying about catching aids.

So instead, Dave, Ryan and Cheri came over for some house-warming and we drank way too much booze and made each other pass out against my wall and video-taped it because we're tards.

thanks for the accolades.

1. Dear loud-talking guy on the bus:

Please shut up about conspiracy theories at 9:15 in the morning. No one is in the mood. Thanks.


2. Dear cold weather:

Thank you for your presence in the bedroom late at night, provoked really cozy naked body-hug-sleeping.


3. Dear Jesus lady who came to my door last night:

I appreciate you trying to save me, but I was trying to masturbate. But thanks for the blessing anyway!


4. Dear Payless Shoes:

Thank you for having one left of the PERFECT big grey purse.

a whopping punch.

Scenario:

I am perched on my stool, filling out the day's paperwork, payroll and checking Outlook Express for the next price change on dildos and butt plugs. All I can think is, "damn, I wish I weren't so broke this week because not having my morning Starbucks or Diet Rock Star (aka a humongous dosage of caffeine) is going to kill me."

As my eyes are starting to drift and my headache worsens from caffeine withdrawal, these two fairy godmothers dressed in blue came into the store and pulled a can of Red Bull out from their backpack, just for me. Seriously. Two Red Bull promo girls saved my whole day. They didn't even try to sell me anything or use annoying promo tricks. They just chatted with me for a second and handed to me the gift of life. Now I am all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and feeling good.

Wicked. That was the best treat ever.

Yeah yeah, consumerism and all that... fuck you, I was exhausted, and you weren't at my store selling me a bag of speed, so...


And to top off my day, I've been listening to "Where is my mind?" by the Pixies on repeat. Customer dissatisfaction be damned, that song is absolutely fucking magical. One of those heart-fluttering, on-the-verge-of-tears-but-why?, can't-help-but-smile-like-a-schoolgirl-with-a-brand-new-crush songs.
Lovely.

don't be such a flake.

Okay so, what the hell is up with Cadbury Flake bars? They are like the practical jokers of the candy-bar food group.

My friend Megan gave me one yesterday because I was in the Worst Mood Ever, and she thought chocolate might help. I didn't end up eating it last night, but I'm sitting here thinking "hmmm this chocolate bar might hit the spot right now." What the hell is up with these things? It's like a prank chocolate bar! No matter how carefully you bite into it, you're COVERED in flakes of chocolate! There's absolutely no avoiding the chocolate flake avalanche. And it's not like you don't know what you're getting into going in, because it says right on the wrapper "FLAKE."


Next April Fools I'm giving these suckers out like old pennies.

go eat worms.

On the bus on my way home from work last night, some girl tapped me on the shoulder and passed me a folded-up piece of paper and said "Here, my friend wanted me to give this to you" and on it was the email address and phone number of the dude sitting with her. He was obviously totally embarrassed and wouldn't even really look at me (although the feeling was mutual)... WHOA uncomfortable! It definitely called for some random person going "AWK-waaaard..." I just was like "err, I have a boyfriend... who I'm actually on my way home to right now..." and she goes "Oh. ... well... you could be friends?" It was so dorky and uncomfortable, but I couldn't help smiling to myself like a goof after I stepped off the bus. It was, after all, sort of cute. But still... the guy was like, 25. By 25, you should have some moves, not just getting your friend to pass on your number like we're in highschool.

heart attack city.

SAME BAT TIME, SAME BAT CHANNEL?????????????


Last night, I was lying in bed nude, texting my cousin and out of the corner of my eye I saw something dark come in through my doorway and scoot under my bed, followed by my very agitated cat. Assuming it was a mouse, I got grossed out, and was rooting for my cat to kill the sucker. After much pitter-patter and commotion, I could make out these weird high-pitched squeaking noises, and then all of a sudden this CREATURE flies out from under my bed, and out my bedroom door, again followed by my cat, who is by this point going absolutely crazy with rage.

Once I realized it was a bat, I was just losing my fucking mind, and I shut my bedroom door. But the thing about my bedroom door... is that there is a 1' x 2 1/2' space above it for some weird reason, and didn't the bat FLY into the space, right back into my bedroom about 15 minutes later.
If any of my neighbours heard the blood-curdling screams coming out of my lungs, I wouldn't be surprised if they thought I was being murdered (seriously, my throat still hurts today). Mind you this is all happening at 4 in the morning.

So I'm frantically swatting at this HUUUUUUUGE bat with my pillow, just screaming bloody murder over and over as the thing is flapping and swooping around my head and my NAKED BODY EEWWWWWWW (so vulnerable feeling!!!) and finally I just ran out into the living room and grabbed a blanket to cover up with. I frantically texted Dave, he didn't answer, so I called him in utter panic, and he was obviously in bed so I left this ridiculous, heart-attack-ridden message that I'm sure is absolutely hilarious, and I stood in my living room for about 20 minutes just trying to think of what to do. I'm standing there with my nerves totally shot, realizing there is NO WAY I am going to get to sleep if I stay at my house, so I decided I needed to get my ass over to Dave's and sleep there, but all of my stuff I need is in the bedroom where the BAT is!!! Hahahaha so like a total retard with this blanket draped around me like a little kid pretending to be a ghost at Halloween, I'm sloooowly inching my way into my bedroom, looking all around me 360 degrees, eyes-peeled with my Bat Radar. Each time I felt like the coast was clear, I'd creep in, grab something, and then dart out into the living room and add to the pile of things I was taking with me.

Because I was SO scared, I decided I should probably take as many of my still un-packed personal belongings as I could over to Dave's, to minimize my need to come back to my bat-ridden apartment. I must have looked like a complete nutbar, calling a taxi at 5 am, with two plastic bags, an overnight bag and big microwave-sized box with a pillow stuff onto the top. I felt bad for just leaving my cat there, but she has her rabies shots and I needed to get the FUCK outta there.

I get to Dave's, and I figure I'll just sleep on the couch so I don't bother him or wake him up, because he didn't know I was coming and he had to work today. But then my logic made me think, well, maybe I should just go gently let him know I'm here so that in case he hears me rustling around out in the living room he won't think someone broke in or anything, and come flying out of the bedroom at me with fists-a-plenty.
I go into the bedroom and he's lying on his side, facing away from me, so I very gently put my hand on his hip and whispered "babe, I had to come over, there's a huge bat in my house!" and as soon as he felt my hand on him, Dave literally WHIPPED his body around and put out his arms, and made this HORRRRRRIFIED sound (you know, like that loud sucking-in-air-through-your-open-mouth sound that people make when they are terrified for their lives) and then kept going "OHHHH MYYY GOOODDDD" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. And the whole time he's grabbing my arm to steady himself because he was just SO scared, oh my god you should have seen his face. I would have pissed my pants if I wasn't so upset and shaken-up over the stupid bat. It was so, so, SO funny, his reaction, but I also felt really, really bad. Hahahaha. As I'm quickly trying to explain the situation to him, he doesn't say a single word and just grabs a pillow and presses it against his face, and I'm like "I wanted to come and let you know I was here so that I didn't scare you" and he goes "yeah, that worked out." Ah, you had to be there. It was utterly hilarious. Poor guy.

I slept on the couch and when he came out of the bedroom this morning, I was sitting there drinking water, and he looks at me with this total look of shock and he's like "That actually HAPPENED???" haha. Luckily he was in a good mood about the whole thing this morning but MAN he was scared out of his wits last night.


So basically, last night was heart attack city all around.