1. Dear loud-talking guy on the bus:
Please shut up about conspiracy theories at 9:15 in the morning. No one is in the mood. Thanks.
2. Dear cold weather:
Thank you for your presence in the bedroom late at night, provoked really cozy naked body-hug-sleeping.
3. Dear Jesus lady who came to my door last night:
I appreciate you trying to save me, but I was trying to masturbate. But thanks for the blessing anyway!
4. Dear Payless Shoes:
Thank you for having one left of the PERFECT big grey purse.
10.12.2007
10.09.2007
a whopping punch.
Scenario:
I am perched on my stool, filling out the day's paperwork, payroll and checking Outlook Express for the next price change on dildos and butt plugs. All I can think is, "damn, I wish I weren't so broke this week because not having my morning Starbucks or Diet Rock Star (aka a humongous dosage of caffeine) is going to kill me."
As my eyes are starting to drift and my headache worsens from caffeine withdrawal, these two fairy godmothers dressed in blue came into the store and pulled a can of Red Bull out from their backpack, just for me. Seriously. Two Red Bull promo girls saved my whole day. They didn't even try to sell me anything or use annoying promo tricks. They just chatted with me for a second and handed to me the gift of life. Now I am all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and feeling good.
Wicked. That was the best treat ever.
Yeah yeah, consumerism and all that... fuck you, I was exhausted, and you weren't at my store selling me a bag of speed, so...
And to top off my day, I've been listening to "Where is my mind?" by the Pixies on repeat. Customer dissatisfaction be damned, that song is absolutely fucking magical. One of those heart-fluttering, on-the-verge-of-tears-but-why?, can't-help-but-smile-like-a-schoolgirl-with-a-brand-new-crush songs.
Lovely.
I am perched on my stool, filling out the day's paperwork, payroll and checking Outlook Express for the next price change on dildos and butt plugs. All I can think is, "damn, I wish I weren't so broke this week because not having my morning Starbucks or Diet Rock Star (aka a humongous dosage of caffeine) is going to kill me."
As my eyes are starting to drift and my headache worsens from caffeine withdrawal, these two fairy godmothers dressed in blue came into the store and pulled a can of Red Bull out from their backpack, just for me. Seriously. Two Red Bull promo girls saved my whole day. They didn't even try to sell me anything or use annoying promo tricks. They just chatted with me for a second and handed to me the gift of life. Now I am all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and feeling good.
Wicked. That was the best treat ever.
Yeah yeah, consumerism and all that... fuck you, I was exhausted, and you weren't at my store selling me a bag of speed, so...
And to top off my day, I've been listening to "Where is my mind?" by the Pixies on repeat. Customer dissatisfaction be damned, that song is absolutely fucking magical. One of those heart-fluttering, on-the-verge-of-tears-but-why?, can't-help-but-smile-like-a-schoolgirl-with-a-brand-new-crush songs.
Lovely.
10.05.2007
don't be such a flake.
Okay so, what the hell is up with Cadbury Flake bars? They are like the practical jokers of the candy-bar food group.
My friend Megan gave me one yesterday because I was in the Worst Mood Ever, and she thought chocolate might help. I didn't end up eating it last night, but I'm sitting here thinking "hmmm this chocolate bar might hit the spot right now." What the hell is up with these things? It's like a prank chocolate bar! No matter how carefully you bite into it, you're COVERED in flakes of chocolate! There's absolutely no avoiding the chocolate flake avalanche. And it's not like you don't know what you're getting into going in, because it says right on the wrapper "FLAKE."
Next April Fools I'm giving these suckers out like old pennies.
My friend Megan gave me one yesterday because I was in the Worst Mood Ever, and she thought chocolate might help. I didn't end up eating it last night, but I'm sitting here thinking "hmmm this chocolate bar might hit the spot right now." What the hell is up with these things? It's like a prank chocolate bar! No matter how carefully you bite into it, you're COVERED in flakes of chocolate! There's absolutely no avoiding the chocolate flake avalanche. And it's not like you don't know what you're getting into going in, because it says right on the wrapper "FLAKE."
Next April Fools I'm giving these suckers out like old pennies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
